Big Changes :: Present Over Perfect
11:18:00 AMHi guys! It has been quite a while since I have had the ability to sit and write. It has been a wild few months in my family and I have had some BIG personal changes happen in my life. If you have been around here any length of time you know that I am a self-employed hair stylist and mama to three beautiful children. However, in the last 2 years, as my kids have gotten older and honestly needed me even more than when they were babies, my life has come to a crossroads. In the last 6 months, in particular, I really reached a breaking point. I had been putting in too many hours at the salon (my business was flourishing, which should have been a good thing, but it was just too much) along with my kids reaching ages of extra curricular activities and just some really hard stuff we were dealing with as parents. I really just couldn't take one more thing on my plate and honestly my plate was getting a little too heavy for me to carry anymore as it was.
If you are anything like me, a perfectionist by nature, we strive to uphold this unattainable perfect self image. We grin and greet everyone around us with a warm smile, even if we are falling apart inside. We long for our peers to see us and tell us what a good job we are doing, even though we really just would rather have someone to take the reigns for a little bit and tell us we don't have to do it all. We will never ask for help even though that is really the biggest thing that we need. We need someone in our circle who will come alongside us and tell us 1) we are enough and doing a great job. And 2) that they are going to help take the kids to soccer this week. Removing just one burden from our already too full plate. Sound familiar?
Maybe you don't feel like me. And if that is you can I just say YAY! I look up to you so much. If somehow you have figured out how to do this whole mothering thing without having a nervous break down, I am in complete awe of you. You please need to share your secrets with the rest of us. However, even if you don't fall into the perfectionist category like me, I know for the majority of us, whether you are a perfectionist or not, we all struggle with self-doubt and wanting to measure up (whatever standard that may be could look a little different for each of us).
But what are we measuring ourselves against? Is it against our own parents? Is it through the lens of social media and the seemingly "perfect" families all around us in ads and on Pinterest? Is it just what society has told us since we were little. That we are women! We can do anything! We can have great careers and families and bodies and homes and friends and "me time" and have it all...blah, blah, blah. Well, I probably don't have to tell you that that is complete baloney and so unhealthy to try to achieve this standard. We have believed this lie for our entire lives and I think it is why so many of us are cracking under the pressure and weight of it.
A huge turning point for me came after a weekend retreat in Colorado this past Fall. I spent an entire weekend wrestling and praying over how to change the trajectory of my life, to not feel so anxious and depressed, bogged down by so much, trying to fill everyone's cup around me from a very very empty cup myself. It became very clear to me through many hours of prayer, journaling, meditation and council with some amazing fellow sisters-in-Christ, that something needed to change. I just didn't know what that looked like and how to do it. But little by little, with more and more prayer and counseling from other women in my life, along with my husband, I came to the conclusion that it was time to hang up my apron. At least for a little while. To recalibrate. And take a much needed breather. God was asking me to step back from my business behind the chair and to lean more into my role as a mother and to trust Him in a whole new way for my life.
I cried and prayed so hard over this decision and something the Lord sweetly spoke into my heart many times was that "I will never regret spending more time with my kids." and that "I am enough." I was reminded that I had children to be a mother. I didn't want to spend their entire childhood wishing I had more time with them or feeling guilty for missing so many things as they got older. Being a working mom is tough. It is so hard to find the proper balance between the two worlds. And for me I just had reached a point of being too much off balance. Something needed to change BIG TIME in my world, because I was just feeling too overwhelmed. My family, the people I love the most in the whole world, were getting the worst of me. They were getting my leftovers and that just wasn't fair to them and I was riddled with so much guilt over it all the time.
I've never heard God's voice more clear in my whole life and yet it still took a few months and many more tears cried to officially make the decision and take a step of faith completely out of my comfort zone to leave the salon and step further into my role as mom. Now that I am here on the other side of it, I know that this was completely the right step for me and my family. I truly believe God was asking me to give Him my dreams and to trust Him with them. If you have ever read the book "The Dream Giver" by Bruce Wilkinson, oh my goodness, I would highly recommend it! It has changed my whole perspective on how God can take our dreams and if we can just learn to trust Him with them and give them to Him, how He then gives them back to us so much bigger than we could ever imagine. I think as much as God is giving me this season as one of rest and restoration, I also believe He is going to use this time to prepare me for whatever is next. Whatever that looks like, I'm not certain, but that is okay. There is beauty and freedom in the unknown sometimes.
I am now about one month into not being at the salon and I already feel a shift in my heart. I feel more present with my kids when they get home from school. There is more time for playing and dreaming and being silly. I feel more patient with them in their big emotions. I have loved being home for every dinner and piano practice and movie night. I feel more like myself than I have felt in a very long time. This was obviously the goal and hope, but I was so anxious about how I would be able to handle not working, that I wasn't sure if it would even help. But let me tell you, removing that giant burden from my plate, is living proof that when we don't try to do it all, life is more enjoyable. When we aren't living our lives trying to please everyone else, there is room and space for the ones that matter the most.
Now, I know that not all of us have the ability to step away from work. Or even the desire. But just know, you do NOT need to do it all. It is so much more important to be present with our kids, our husbands and our loved ones over having to have the perceived "perfect" life. Sit down and play that game of monopoly with the kids. The dishes can wait. I promise, they will still be there when the game is over. Set your goals and priorities for your family and your life and then work out a way to make it happen. My biggest goal as a mother is to have true, rich relationships with my kids. And the only way that I am going to achieve that is by being available. By spending time with them and being truly present when we are together.
So I am learning to set good boundaries with myself and others. To take time each day to spend in prayer and thanksgiving. To make sure my cup has been filled at least a little bit, before trying to pour out onto others around me. I'm learning to put away the phone and live more in the moment. I'm learning to work hard during the day so that when the kids get home from school there is more time to play and focus on helping them with things. And probably the most important lesson I am learning is that I don't have to be perfect. There is so much more joy found when I am completely present in my life rather than trying so hard to do everything perfectly.
If you feel like you are losing yourself in your life. If you feel anxious and depressed trying to hold it all together all the time, please know you don't need to carry that burden. Know that the God of the Universe is waiting ever so patiently for you to come to Him. To bring Him your worries and your burdens, and lay them down. He so desperately wants to carry them for you if you will let Him.
There is so much freedom waiting for you once you let go of the perceived notion of needing to be this perfect woman and mother. Instead of perfection, why don't we just choose to strive for excellence, in whatever season we find ourselves in? To do our very best and allow our children to learn from watching us that we are human too. That we mess up, we feel pain, we feel stress, we have hard days. This will not only help us and our children have reasonable expectations for us, but it will make us more relatable, and with that, hopefully help us grow richer and deeper relationships with our kids. I wish that I had learned some of these lesson many many years ago, but I know that life is a journey and an adventure. And what sort of adventure would it be without a few hiccups along the way. It is the lows and the valleys that end up being the best teaching moments, for us and our kids. Where God can meet us and shape us and refine us. Diamonds can only be created under pressure, and you beautiful mama, are a priceless jewel to your Creator.
A couple of my favorite verses that I have held tightly to during this season of weariness and transition:
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG)
"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (NIV)
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful I know that full well."
Psalms 139:13-14 (NIV)
"I lift my eyes to the mountains - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth."
Psalms 121:1-2 (NIV)
I want to finish this post with a little encouragement for you today. If you are feeling stuck, overwhelmed or burdened by life. Please don't let the enemy have that stronghold on your heart. Don't allow fear or doubt creep in to your mind and poison your heart. You are worthy. You are beautiful. You are enough. You were not designed to carry the weight of it all. Don't forget to call on Jesus, your Creator, your guide, your friend, to help you in this season. He is waiting. He is willing. You only need to ask.
0 comments
Leave me something sweet!